Wondering why...

Subject: Wondering why... Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:09 pm

I’m lost… I’m lost within a darkness that has
consumed me. In reality, I’m in my room with the music as loud as it can go,
alone, and no one to talk to. Absolutely, no one. No one to be with, to talk
to, or to help me, because I all of a sudden became a liar. So no one bothers
listening. I’m not a liar, I’m an Actor. Did they all of a sudden become the
same thing?
Everything has built on my shoulders, weighing me down. Everyone is mad at me,
and they won’t listen long enough for me to explain. The things that truly hurt
me won’t stop; Rip’s taunting, and if I even show one once of hurt, Rip yells
at me and tells me to ‘stop acting! No one’s buying it anymore.’ Rene no longer
looks at me. I try complementing her, something to start a conversation, but
she turns her back. Even Thrax has turned on me. He claims that back when we
were children, I only cared for him so then I look like an angel, because he
was a pathetic little boy. He thinks that I’ve been lying as long as he could
walk and talk. True, that’s when I took in entrust to begin acting, but that’s
not the point. I know how much he hates being part of a charity case, but I
truly cared about him. We’ve always been so close; not anymore.
I lost everyone. I lost everything; the trust, the comfort people gave me if I
felt down. It’s all gone. I never acted sad for attention, or to get out of
trouble, I never even thought about using acting for those purposes. I acted so
then I could get that break, to live my dream of being a famous actor. But that
no longer matters. What’s the point of having all the fame if you have no one
you love praising you, telling you ‘good job’ and ‘I’m so proud of you’?
I never thought it was to come down to this, but I grab a little switch blade I
kept in my dresser. I took it from Kail, who was trying to slit Chase’s throat
(again). I never got around to getting rid of it, but now I’m glad I never did.

I pull up my left sleeve; the scars from long ago were still there. I haven’t
done it in so long, I wonder if it’ll still have the same effect.
I added one on my wrist, and some blood oozes out. I add another, then a great,
overwhelming feeling of need caused me to add more. I add a few to the other
arm. I felt light again; I felt like I could fly again. The pain has lifted
from my heart… for the time being. Now that I look at my arms, I can see I have
ten already, some still bleeding. I wait until they clogged to whip the stains
away. I cover them back up, feeling them sting a bit as the shirt brushed them.
I would die if anyone found out…
But no one will talk to me, so I don’t have to worry about it. By this point, I
don’t think anyone will care.

Subject: Re: Wondering why... Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:11 pm

Note: Kail, and Rene. are Amy's.