Isabella's Pain

Is this too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for my husband to realize my pain? After all of our years of marriage which has been decades he doesn't realize I have allergies. Its always about his allergies. My whole life I practically served Lucius Valenti hand and foot. When our marriage first began it was very happy, I was in love with him and he with me, he swore to me I was the only star in his sky, and for awhile there I was. Perhaps if his father realized how much Lucius put me through my father in law would hate me less. No one understands, that's because I never let on, is that so bad? Not admitting weakness. All my husband ever does is complain about how bad things are. I don't understand how bad things are for him. He has five beautiful children that are lengthily apart in age, a wife who would do anything for him and I do mean anything, his father is still alive and he has good friends. Our marriage took the worst hit after the triplets were born, he cheated on me, with a dominatrix no less. I realize I was forty but I was still physically fit, my breasts still firm because I never breast fed my kids, I didn't even have a gray hair, I was even flexible. Why wasn't I good enough? I had some stretch marks but he gave them to me. I came to realize he only loved me if I was pregnant. I was forty there wouldn't be anymore children, I didn't want anymore. Does he understand how hurt I am? No. He never will. I still have to run for him on hand and foot, even though my hand has arthritis and my foot has steel pins in it from being broken. When we were twenty five he went on a French toast kick putting vanilla extract in it and feeding it to me. I am very allergic to Vanilla and was puking it out hours later but I never complained not once. When I put garlic in his food I got my emotions racked over the coals. Furthermore, he always, always put me in second place, I was never more important than anyone, not even Lacrimosa. He always noticed when something was wrong with her but couldn't notice when something was wrong with his own wife who he saw almost every second of the day. His explanation for cheating was he was tired of being second best. He never was second best he was always my first, forever and always. He will never understand the pain he put me through, never understand the tears I have shed because I love him so much but he will never love me the same way. The only reason I stay is that I know if he ever lost me, he would take his own life because in his own way I know he loves me.